Modestly Sexy

say what?!

---

I've googled the following before:

1. psychological effects of feeling sexy

Results: articles based on anxiety, stress & depression - limitations to feeling sexy

1. Christianity AND sexy

Results: articles based on female modesty - prominently her physical appearance

---

The two search criteria are notably different, one is secular and medical whereas the other is Christian perspective. One is about feeling sexy and the other is about being sexy. It's the battle of cognitive behavior and physical action. For me, sexiness was colliding a worldly practice into a Christian realm and I struggled to blend the concept into my heart and bedroom.

In a sex driven, appearance focused, show off, physical results based culture we've done a pretty good job at messing people up. We are a comparison hungry, stressed out, anxious and depressed society. Why? Because we can never measure up. We strive to look like her, be like him, have what she has, do what he does in order to achieve something not in our destiny but we keep trying, tiring ourselves out. Simply look at the results from my google search. Almost every article shared how it's hard for most people to feel sexy because they are either depressed, stressed or anxious whether that be because of body image, their environment or a medical condition. Interesting, coming from a world where sex and looking "sexy" is everywhere...shouldn't it be easy yet it's actually damaging.

I speak from experience. I thought if I looked a certain way - then I would find beauty and comfort. I leaned into cultural deception and played the game. Shocker, the more I tried, the more I compared, the more I would strive and it never worked out in my favor. As a result, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. Always wanting to change, never happy with this body part or that angle. I became anxious over appearance.

So how does Christianity combat this worldly doom? They shield and hide. Sure, the message of "finding confidence in Christ over confidence in appearance" periodically comes up but our Christian leaders, mentors, speakers also say things like "when you're married you can do it all (what is all BTW) but until then, ladies try not to think about it." Think about what? Our physique? Our desire? Okay, yeah because that's realistic when I have Beyonce shaking her tush all around and diet/exercise programs on every commercial, shorty shorts, crop tops and holey jeans in every department store and everyone looks like they're a size 2 with cleavage on my Instagram feed and to me, that's attractive, confidence and sexy - but okay, sure I won't think about it. Yeah right.

I remember shedding a few tears in a dressing room of Victoria Secret, trying to find the perfect outfit for my soon-to-be husband, unhappy with how it looked but also how it felt. Here I was, trying to be sexy but couldn't allow myself to feel desirable because I didn't look a certain way and I cried. I was disgusted by what I saw in the mirror. On the other hand, I also cried because I thought I was being an immodest Christian woman. I'm not suppose to want to be flirtatious and flaunting but rather a guarded, good Christian girl who shouldn't think about "it."

I simultaneously didn't feel good enough to be sexy while also trying not to be. How troublesome walking into marriage.

Is that really biblical modesty? Shield and hide? Walk away. Do we think that's safe? "Just don't think about it;" is that really our answer? Gosh, I don't think so. Jesus didn't walk away from exposing the sin of culture, rather he inserted himself directly into its very presence and shook the whole place down. He was straightforward, blunt and asked tough questions for people to realize the position of their backwards heart. I think that's what we, as Christian people, should be doing and what we are failing at miserably. Right now, culture is louder than Christianity and isn't that a shame.

Let's expose our culture's sinful tactics, ask our Christian young girls, teenagers, daughters, wives, friends what their motives for wanting to feel and be sexy is for, explain desire and the danger surrounding comparing and appearance, and openly discuss when it's appropriate to be sexy, modestly.

You can be sexy and a Christian, in marriage and you can think about it - together as a unit in your home and that.is.modest. It's modest because it's biblical and your motive, rather your heart's position, is rooted in a feeling and action God created- it's without vanity or arrogance and in submission to each other. It's completely different than the cultural definition based on individual appearance for the purpose of self worth. We cannot simply walk away, telling our young people to not think about it when they are exposed to sex, sexual tendencies, feelings and actions every day. We must intervene so when it becomes time for the young fiance who chooses to walk into Victoria Secret, anticipating her husband, she knows completely and without a shadow of a doubt, that her sexiness is not in vain, is safe to feel and is beautiful to God.

---

I have found it interesting and of no coincidence that topics discussed on this blog, are becoming talked about in spheres around me and vice versa. Topics I have had planned out, months in advance, are being discussed right in line with the timeline of the blog.

For example, I have been going to a small group, twice a month, where women come together to talk about marriage, sex, homemaking, and more. We discuss and breakdown how society twists the truth of the Bible to fit mainstream agendas.

Recently, we briefly touched on the idea of modesty, more so than the clothes we wear, the jewelry we own, the cars we drive so on and so forth but rather truly defining what modesty looks like in our every day lives.

Modesty is an outward reflection of our heart. So are we asking ourselves, when we act a certain way, buy something, compare ourselves, desire something or someone, make a post, send that text, are we being modest? Is our heart aligned with a gentle and quiet spirit or is it loud and presumptuous?