Put This In Your Pocket

resources for the inquirers, young lovers, marital warriors, single and earnestly hopeful ones

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Why do we google ridiculous questions on the internet? Isn't it just fuel to the fire; a rabbit trial of clicks resulting in a bombardment of more questions we didn't even know to ask in the first place?

Said with a sliver of tongue and cheek considering this blog could be found based off of an internet search.

Sometimes we find the answer we are looking for, other times we highlight and delete our search words, altering them to see if something else pops up on page 1 more applicable to our criteria. A litany of tabs open at the top of the screen, eyes scanning the words tucking away in our brains , maybe a pad of paper for note taking placed next to us. We quickly become consumed by the vast inconsistencies, hypothetical anxieties swarming in our heads and confusion of what the medical gurus tell us about pain and sex, but nothing else. How to control the pain; what sources of pain we may be experiencing, how it transpired, etc. they don't elaborate very well.

We become overwhelmed.

We become quickly burdened and tired.

The words meaningless because they are unable to fill the void.

Painful sex unexplained with little tips, tricks and tactics to help...anything to help.

I'm fed up, really. Fed up that we have to spend so much time poking and prodding the internet, clinging for one suggestion in order to make the pain stop or at least come down a notch. Little trial and errors provide pockets of reluctant hope and I would rather hold onto reluctance than nothing at all.

And so I want to give you my research, my resources, my tips and tricks as a one stop shop in an effort to provide you with a breath of hesitant hope. This doesn't mean you stop searching or scrolling for the answer you may be needing. It certainly isn't all encompassing. Some of the content is fluid, coming and going based on the needs of our present. Others are stable and always fruitful. Please hear me, this list was helpful to ME and may not be helpful to YOU. When applicable, always discuss with your healthcare provider, therapist, counselor and spouse before purchasing and implementing these to your routine.

Helpful Books/Articles

• The Bible - AMEN! Pick it up my friends, my readers.

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think,

according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ

Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20

• Celebrations of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy by Douglas Rosenau

• When Sex Hurts by Andrew Goldstein, MD, Caroline Pukall, PhD, and Irwin Goldstein, MD

• Woman Code by Alisa Vitti

• Andrew Goldstein Published Articles - click here

Helpful Products

• Vmagic Vaginal Cream - if you experience vaginal dryness or perhaps you just want to moisturize, this product is clean and effective. Estrogen & fragrance free.

• KY Jelly - a silicone based lubricant that is longer lasting and of a thicker consistency than any type of water based lubricant. Water based lube absorbs in the body regardless if you experience vaginal dryness, but especially if you struggle producing natural lubricant on your own. It will quickly disappear in the moment, causing burning, itching, sand paper feelings. Try using a silicone based jelly lubricant. This helps buffer skin to skin contact that may irritate nerves and will not absorb in its entirety.

• Ohnut - perhaps you and your spouse have polar opposite anatomies and pain is experienced because of it. These silicone rings designed to be placed on your husband can stop deep penetrative sex but still continue to stimulate. Linked here.

• Dilators - if you have a tight pelvic floor and your doctor has recommended pelvic floor therapy, at home dilators are typically used in tandem with physical therapy to help reduce tight muscular tone within the pelvic floor. For me, I found a silicone based dilator to be more comfortable than plastic, easily bendable and less daunting. These dilators are not for everyone and should be considered with a healthcare provider in order to ensure your proper plan for care. Linked here.

Helpful Instagram Pages

• Jessicaaashwellness: Hormone + PCOS Nutritionist

• Balancedbeyars: Hormone Hype Girls

• Drjolenebrighten: Dr. Jolene Brighten - Hormones

• Justtheinserts: Manufacturer Inserts

Helpful Tips

• SEEK COUNSELING & schedule right away - my number one recommendation. Someone else has gone through what you're going through and there are professionals who want to help you process the physical pain and as a result, mental and emotional pain that so potently trails behind painful sex. You cannot let the festering of misinformation or spiraled thoughts consume you. If you are unsure where to search, try asking your pastor, healthcare provider or a trusted person near to you.

• Ask for prayer - even if it's a foreign concept to you. There is healing power in the ability to trust rather than the need to control.

"...For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not

know what to do, but our eyes are on you." 2 Chronicles 20:12

My pastor's favorite prayer & one that I've drawn extremely close to. Simple & profound.

Lord, I don't know what to do, what to research, who to talk to, where to go, who to listen to,

what to read, what is healthy, what is right, but my eyes are on you....repeat.

• Freezing small tubes - if you have pain from muscle tension, filling with water and freezing small plastic tubes may be helpful for relaxation after intimacy or dilator sessions. Place and hold vaginally for a few moments (not for an extended amount of time) and wash properly before reusing. Basically, it's an internal ice pack. Here is a link to what I am referring to. If you ask your gynecologist or physical therapist, they may be able to provide you with a few for free.

• Schedule sex but be adaptable & this goes both ways. I can't tell you how many times Joshua and I have scheduled sex but when it came time, my fear of pain overcame what little desire I felt throughout the day. It's okay to adjust but at some point, you must trust in the process of healing and begin to experiment again. Scheduling sex is not boring and it's not awkward. It dedicated and planned time for two people to put everything aside and focus on each other.

• Pelvic floor exercises - from your core, to your lower back, to your hips, to your quads - leave nothing out! Breathing exercises, happy baby, child's pose, figure 4's, runners lunge & more, Pinterest has excellent diagrams. Search for ways to either tighten or loosen the pelvic floor dependent on your need.

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I would love to hear what other products, recommendations or good reads you've snagged. The more the merrier! I'll post updates to suggestions as they arrive!